I decided to start a blog a few weeks ago.. A week later decided to open an account and figured out I could link it to my e-mail. That was cool. A couple days later found an OK picture to throw on. And that brings me to now. I still can not figure out what I want to say. I know what I want to say, just not quite how to say it. For people that know me that would be hard to believe, Shaina having a word block. Of course for people who don't know me well that would make complete sense because I am usually the person sitting back quietly with little to say and a meek voice. I guess to most I am a mystery.... and that probably is why I am stuck knowing what exactly to say, since this is pretty much speaking in public, you just don't know I mumble and stutter.
I'll start with why. Why would I want to put myself out there when I'm obviously uncomfortable with it? Well, that's the point. I need to get over myself. I have a lot of things about my life I want to "get over" or "overcome" or just "do." I've spent a lot of my life just going with the flow, not being very strong, and not really accomplishing much of anything. I'm not going to go through my life story right now, hopefully that will come out with time, if I keep this up.
For now, here's the low-down. The year 2010 was a big year for me, starting out with finally leaving my husband for good, getting an apartment (with a roommate), and becoming a sure thing single mom of 3 kids. It seems like it could be an awful, depressing time, but that was long before and I was finally free. I could do whatever I wanted and had no one to tell me no, or make sure that I wouldn't be able to do it. That's when my life finally became mine, and I don't think I ever had a moment since middle school when I can feel like that. Since then I've tried college classes, found time and focus for online classes are not my thing. I met a guy who some people may see as kind of a prick sometimes (yeah, I just said that) but to me, he's amazing, he's involved with himself, lets me do my thing, but we also can do everything together. I don't need someone up my butt all the time. I don't. Together we've tried so many new things from skimboarding, to paintball, video games to Magic the Gathering (shush your mouth, it's entertaining). I even taught him to play darts and he became pretty much the best player on our bar team. I found someone that likes to experience life like I do. Every aspect and it's fantastic, even if I have to deal with some a-hole here and there.
On May 22, 2010 my work held it's first annual 5k as a fundraiser. I had never run more than a mile in my life and committed myself to actually training and running it. Training started way too late for me and I ended up getting to that day with only week 4 of the C25K program under my belt. Oh well, here goes nothing. I ran it with my mother who had zero training and a bum knee and we kept it going the whole time, when she would have to walk I would run back and forth... We waved "Hi!" to my boyfriend as he doubled back by us (yeah, he was almost twice as fast as us, damn Army guy) and I made sure she ran by and smiled like she had it all day. In the end, I ran the whole thing and I felt great and ready for more.
I could not believe it, I had actually run 3.1 miles. I was so hyped up that bf and I got home and immediately started scouring online for more races. I remembered that someone I knew was doing this thing called the Tough Mudder and we planned a trip to Florida to do one in December. Should have given us ample time to train. Unfortunately Army life got in the way along with a lot of other excuses and bf was gone to NJ for trainings a lot of the summer and upon his return in July announced he would be leaving for a year in September.
That moment stopped a lot for me. It was a sad time. He ended up leaving in October and the sad times continued. The gym would happen, and then not... but I vowed that 2012 would be my year and I would do an obstacle race, no if's and's or but's.
So that brings me here and now, to today, and how yesterday has brought me here to tell the world what I am overcoming, how I am overcoming it, and how it will make tomorrow. My hope is that if I put my self out there then I will feel obligated to do it. I don't make promises I can't keep. Ever. I don't even tell my kids where we're going ever just so I don't disappoint them because had some tragic event happen on the way.
There's the start of my story and I'm sticking to it. Here goes EVERYTHING!
I'll start with why. Why would I want to put myself out there when I'm obviously uncomfortable with it? Well, that's the point. I need to get over myself. I have a lot of things about my life I want to "get over" or "overcome" or just "do." I've spent a lot of my life just going with the flow, not being very strong, and not really accomplishing much of anything. I'm not going to go through my life story right now, hopefully that will come out with time, if I keep this up.
For now, here's the low-down. The year 2010 was a big year for me, starting out with finally leaving my husband for good, getting an apartment (with a roommate), and becoming a sure thing single mom of 3 kids. It seems like it could be an awful, depressing time, but that was long before and I was finally free. I could do whatever I wanted and had no one to tell me no, or make sure that I wouldn't be able to do it. That's when my life finally became mine, and I don't think I ever had a moment since middle school when I can feel like that. Since then I've tried college classes, found time and focus for online classes are not my thing. I met a guy who some people may see as kind of a prick sometimes (yeah, I just said that) but to me, he's amazing, he's involved with himself, lets me do my thing, but we also can do everything together. I don't need someone up my butt all the time. I don't. Together we've tried so many new things from skimboarding, to paintball, video games to Magic the Gathering (shush your mouth, it's entertaining). I even taught him to play darts and he became pretty much the best player on our bar team. I found someone that likes to experience life like I do. Every aspect and it's fantastic, even if I have to deal with some a-hole here and there.
On May 22, 2010 my work held it's first annual 5k as a fundraiser. I had never run more than a mile in my life and committed myself to actually training and running it. Training started way too late for me and I ended up getting to that day with only week 4 of the C25K program under my belt. Oh well, here goes nothing. I ran it with my mother who had zero training and a bum knee and we kept it going the whole time, when she would have to walk I would run back and forth... We waved "Hi!" to my boyfriend as he doubled back by us (yeah, he was almost twice as fast as us, damn Army guy) and I made sure she ran by and smiled like she had it all day. In the end, I ran the whole thing and I felt great and ready for more.
That moment stopped a lot for me. It was a sad time. He ended up leaving in October and the sad times continued. The gym would happen, and then not... but I vowed that 2012 would be my year and I would do an obstacle race, no if's and's or but's.
So that brings me here and now, to today, and how yesterday has brought me here to tell the world what I am overcoming, how I am overcoming it, and how it will make tomorrow. My hope is that if I put my self out there then I will feel obligated to do it. I don't make promises I can't keep. Ever. I don't even tell my kids where we're going ever just so I don't disappoint them because had some tragic event happen on the way.
There's the start of my story and I'm sticking to it. Here goes EVERYTHING!
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